2007 is here …

Yes my friends and enemies it’s a New Year! A new chapter in this world and life that I am being forced fed with the reality that I, me, and you really have so little control of.

A LIFE AND WORLD THAT WE HAVE SO LITTLE CONTROL OF! What an epiphany! I think this is the one lesson I’ve taken from 2006 and will drag kicking and screaming into 2007. The older I get the more I am forced to deal with the fact that I have so little control of this spinning globe as it affects me and mine. My family, my job, my future, my love and lust are truly beyond my control. Shit happens, good and bad, and I have no idea when I awake every morning on how that shit will affect or mold me and mine. BUT, God blessed me with a new day so I’m going to soldier on. 2007 will be as great if not better than 2006! This I command and demand and for this to happen I will take control of the things that I can control and I challenge you to do the same. As a people let’s stop making excuses for our own drama. I challenge everyone who has been blessed with another day above ground to take this life by the balls and squeeze HARD! I won’t accept mediocrity as a norm in my world nor walk the path of least resistance because it’s the easiest route but not the route to take if I want that greatness I deserve and need.

For those who believe in God, Jesus, Jehovah, or a Supreme Being, know that that being gave you another day to be all that you are capable of being. Work on using the talents and gifts you were blessed with to make your world a better place. Take this day, minute by minute to enhance the world for you and those around you. Challenge the status quo! Demand more from yourself, from your kids, from your family, your friends and your enemies. You owe this rock we live on that much! I owe you that much. Hold every black man you know responsible for his actions, ask every woman to look in the mirror before she blames her pain on another. Let’s make 2007 a year where we meet our issues head on, back straight and heart pure of desire and make the changes necessary for greatness. I believe this can be a reality! Greatness can be a simple thing like smiling in the morning at the stranger across the aisle or your significant other. Spending a minute with your son or daughter just holding them and letting them know that greatness is their birthright. Give the less fortunate a taste of the many blessings you’ve received without giving it a second thought. Allow your significant other their moment of madness and respond with open arms and a caring spirit no matter the madness.

I challenge my friends and family to care of the one temple their supreme being has awarded them with. Take care of your body in 2007! Men, get that test! Colon cancer is destroying our future. Women please take some of the money and time you spend on your nails, hair and outer appearance and hire a personal trainer or just join a gym. There is nothing beautiful about being a BBW with your blood pressure and cholesterol readings setting new records that has your doctor wondering just how much longer you’ll be walking among the living. And please drag your husband right along with you! There is nothing sexier than seeing a couple in the park walking and working out together!

I am willing to walk that walk, not just talk the talk are you?

Welcome My Friends and Enemies ... I have made a number of changes in my world as a writer and father. This blog, which is so new to me, will now replace the columns on my website - www.gjtsimpsonworld.com ... I am incorporating the blog as a way to get my thoughts to the masses faster than I could by using the columns section on my website. I am hoping that this new venue will allow me a lot more freedom than my column gave me.

As a father a lot has changed in my world, some good, some others much more devastating. As anyone who knows my history over the last bunch of years know that I have preached from day one that my being a father has been my greatest achievement. I have been divorced from my ex for almost ten years and our two kids together are 14, my daughter Cree, and my nine year old son Logan. As of last month my 14 year old spoiled daughter has decided that she now wants to live with her mother, PERMANANTLY! DAYUM! She packed her bags, called her Mom and BAM, gone she is.

Folks you might as well had cut my heart out with a butter knife. No one could have ever told me my first born would choose her mother over me and yes that's exactly what she did. And, since that moment I've questioned everything I've ever done as a father. Was I to demanding? Did I expect to much? Did I really create this selfish little girl who wants the easy way out of every difficulty? Cree flunked Geometry and received her first F. I was livid at her and her mother who says its no big deal lets got to Disney World. Silly me! Firm Daddy compared to fun Mommy and I'm surprised. Silly, silly, silly.

But it still hurts and I haven't gotten even a phone call since she left. Fourteen years of drama, trying to do the right thing and its all over. Writing and jumping on my brothers who are not a steady presence in their children's life, no matter the relationship with the Mom and look what happens to me. I guess the biggest pain is knowing that just two weeks before this all happened my daughter wrote me and her Mom a letter saying that she wanted to stay with me during the school days for the school year so that she could buckle down and try to bring her grades up. WOW, what a complete change!

Everyone close to me (and there are not many) keeps telling me it's just a stage but I don't see it. She's just being a teenager, don't make a big deal out of it. YEAH RIGHT! My heart hurts and I wonder how long will it be before my only son decides its easier to live with mommy and all of her money than with poor struggling Daddy. WHERE DID I GO WRONG? I won't lie to everyone reading this, I have no clue whats going to happen next. What do I do the first time Cree calls? Days, weeks, months or even years from now when she calls wanting to say hello? Do I turn the hurt off and just start loving her as a father should? Better than that, can I do that? Every night after putting my other two kids to bed I wonder what in the hell am I doing? When will they turn their backs on me? Is being a father even necessary today or does all a kid need is a Mom and an every other weekend Dad? Someone please help me understand this drama!

Or am I just on my own as a divorced father, who once had joint physical custody of his two beautiful kids and now as they get older my 'place' in their world is not needed anymore? Ten years of joint physical custody that kept me from traveling, taking promotions, or working too late or taking some gigs just because I didn't want to not be a part of my kids world. Never wanted to be the father you hear about on TV and in every magazine that swears the reason our black kids are doing so badly is because there is no father at home. My kids have and I guess had a father. My daughter and her mother have gone from fighting all the time to, as my son says - best of friends. I have gone from being the demanding, disciplined, loving and attentive father that used to brag that his oldest girl talked to him about everything, to an outsider that doesn't even deserve a phone call. DAYUM!

Things I've Come To Accept As Reality Since I've Been Away or should I say the things that make you go AHH!

Boys will never be men no matter how old they are if the women around them continue to make excuses for their actions and reactions …

When will our people in Africa realize that the Roman Catholic religion that they've accepted as fact and their non-existent stand on safe sex (i.e. wearing condoms is a sin) are the main reasons AIDS is destroying this beautiful country and their people?

Did you know that not ONE member of the armed service serving in Iraq or Afghanistan or for that matter in the armed service today is directly related to any member of Congress? It's easier to send the ones that you don't know to hell than to send one of your own …

Daddy, Pops, Father, and Dad - One of the most underrated resources in this world!

Pray that you never have an outwardly successful boy, son, brother, father, grandfather or male friend. The trouble and drama that some women will bring to their world just because of who they are or what those same women THINK they will have one day would absolutely astound you …

For those of you that don't know… The only reason more troops are not screaming at the top of their lungs over Bush's arrogant egotistical war is because they risk going to jail, being demoted and or losing their benefits. EVERY Vet I've spoken to over the past two years have stated clearly that troop morale is horrible and the only reason they fight is because of their buddy in boots standing by their side. This you won't hear on Fox …

As soon as a man no longer wants a woman, EVERYTHING about him becomes an issue … and visa versa … I like the thought of just moving on and continuing on with ones life instead of trying to destroy the other … SIMPLE ENUF!

Five people (dead or alive) I'd love to have lunch with … My Grandfather and Grandmother (they count as one), President Bill Clinton, Denzel Washington, Arthur Ashe and Oprah …

No matter how many mistakes Bush and his cronies make, or the young lives that are destroyed thru their death on foreign lands or life changing injuries they receive from fighting for someone else's freedoms, white male America will always consider Bush a man's man …

Children are God's gift to those who deserve it and to the ones who have no idea how blessed they are…

Anita Baker's Fairy Tales is the most accurate song on relationships I've ever heard.

Any two fools can lie down and have a child but it takes a true man and woman to be a mother and father…

Would there be one whisper of defiance in regards to the right to have an abortion if MEN had to carry a child for nine months, have their body totally reshaped and in some instances destroyed, go thru 48 hours of labor, birth a child for a woman he has absolutely NO real feelings for, and not one red dime to help raise and support that kid?

REPUBLICAN sounds a lot like HYPROCRITE from my side of the aisle… Do I need to list the examples?

Is it possible to support our troops and despise our so called President without being labeled a traitor or even worse UNAMERICAN!?

Are men TODAY really NOT handling their business when it comes to their immediate family? Or are our black women giving themselves up to men that they KNOW have no intention of being that responsible and loving partner?

Who deserves the blame for decisions YOU make? You or that outside influence?

Is there a special place in Hell for the Religious Right?

I have nothing against my hard working Hispanic brothers, legal or illegal, but one has to wonder … If a crowd of 20 to 50 black men were standing around a major store (Home Depot, Lowes, etc) all day-every day, how long do you think it would be before half the police force in ANY given city would be there to put all of their asses in jail for loitering?

Wanna get ANY Bill passed in Congress … Just stick security and terrorist on the list of reasons for it and every white male in Congress will sign that particular piece of trash, their freedoms and their lives away!

Question of the week …. If you have a son and he tells you he had consensual sex with a young lady his age and she's pregnant now but he doesn't feel prepared or in love enough to raise a child with her and he asks her to have an abortion, would he be wrong? On the other hand, if your son wanted that same woman to have the child but she wanted to have an abortion would he be wrong to take her to court and make her have the baby?

For those who actually read this entire tirade, isn't it obvious that the war and the state of black America in regard to love and lust has truly pissed me off?

Compromise, Commitment and Communication

- The Big three C's to being in love!
As a divorced black man living in this fast paced world of meeting and greeting I come across a lot of single/divorced/widowed black women, all looking for the same thing - LOVE! L-O-V-E! Love, love, love! Dedicated, Storybook, Lyrical Love. The kind of love that makes your toes curl and your heart skip a beat! LAWD, the stories and wants I've heard over the last few years which by the way I only hear from women! Men seem to just want a woman that doesn't fuss too much and isn't bigger than he is.

Same creature, two totally different wants. Divorced women seem to believe in this fairy tale love also even though they've been there and done that! They should know by now that reality love is so different from the fairy tale brand. They are still looking for a man to work all day, pay all of the bills, cut the grass, cook dinner, look and smell like Denzel, pick the kids up and of course be DRAMA FREE! Drama free - what an alien concept itself. I have come to the realization that as long as you're on this earth, EVERYONE has some sort of drama - but that's another column for another day.

What I would like to talk about today is the REALITY love that I think most people overlook. As everyone who reads my work knows, I have two beautiful daughters and one spoiled son. I dread the day that my baby gurls come to me, glossy eyed and invaded by love talking nonsense about some nappy headed boy. What the hell am I gonna do then? After having nightmares about that moment, I figured I needed to have something put together to help them all walk the love walk, without getting too damaged. So I ask myself where do I start with giving them a heads up on the most important emotional drama they will probably ever face.

Looking back at my friends who have been married for years, the reality I hear from those who have been blessed with longevity in their world, I have gotten love and I mean real love down to three simple ingredients - Compromise, Commitment and Communication! The big three, in no particular order of importance. I came to the big three by asking those couples around me that seem to have a working and loving marriage. Those unique couples that have survived the seven, nine and eleven year itch. You don't see love listed in the big three because love is a gimme and it's indefinable. People in love can't think straight much less put their fingers on why they are so in love. They just know they are and for whatever the reason they believe their life isn't complete without their significant other. The significant other in question can be mean, nasty, selfish, insecure, drug infested, lazy and any other negative thing you can bring to the table but they are in love! I want to talk about how to make the love work after you've backed yourself into the LOVE CORNER!

Compromise, Commitment and Communication, the big three.

Loving a person successfully cannot happen with out being able to compromise. People say the longer you're single the harder it is to be involved successfully. The common concept is that you've spent your whole life making all of the decisions with only you and yourself in mind. Being involved means having someone with an alien history, different thought processing, past history with other funny thinking folks directing your world from that point on. ALL OF YOUR DECISIONS! So the first step to 'love success' is you being able to listen and accept someone else's reality. So what, if you usually sleep late every Saturday. Your new love wants to go walking every Saturday - his or her so called bonding time. Now you know you been sleeping in every Saturday for the past eight years and unless the world is about to have a nuclear meltdown, you've never thought about giving up that warm, soft comfortable down pillow, thick ass mattress and sweet smelling comforter before 2pm. Should you? (A) Explain the importance of your Saturday ritual and take your ass back to bed or (B) Give in to this fool and go walking in the park. Loving and making a marriage work means compromising or should I say long term love means compromising so in this instance you have no real choice but that doesn't mean you have to loose your identity and special needs. Compromise and tell your mate that you'll spend every other Saturday with them doing their thing. Then invite them to share your world on your Saturday's. Run with his or her crazy ass this Saturday but next Saturday sleep till two wrapped up with your love then get up and do the brunch thing. Everyone wins this way and believe it or not something this simple can improve your life with the significant other in your world. Now don't get me wrong cause I ain't living in a dream world either this won't work in EVERY situation but the concept will. Sometimes you may have to give in completely against your better vibes but that's all good too as long as you BOTH realize that the back seat isn't that bad. When it works your way be humble, when it works in your mates way be supportive. THIS WILL WORK if this simple rule can be written in stone. Being HUMBLE and SUPPORTIVE will make every compromising moment a success.

The second key and again these are in no particular order of importance is Commitment. This is extremely important for my brothers. Men, especially older and successful men find themselves overwhelmed by the ratio of available women out here. When I say available, let me clear the air for those not willing to take the blinders off. There are thousands of single and divorced sisters looking for love as well as a lot of married women looking for lust. That's right I said married. That same sister that pays your bills with you and is in church every Sunday sitting in the first row. For any given number of reasons - i.e. husband's fooling around and doesn't have any time for them, brothers too wrapped up in his business world to be wrapped up in her arms, significant other just ain't feeling what he use to feel when sista gurl was that perfect size eight now that's she's twice that size after three kids and a whole lot of stress. The list can go on and on but the one issue to focus on is that this is your mate for life. This is the woman or man that you must be committed too. If you can't keep your panties on or in his case the Johnson zipped up remember that there is a big difference between sex and love. LAWD, I can here the readers tripping now especially my Sisters. No one wants to hear that their mate is fooling around but the reality is a good number of them are. So we get back to the commitment issue. Commitment and marriage or just the vows of a serious relationship and commitment is a must. Commitment means that the mate you are paying bills with, raising kids with, building a future with is your first and foremost concern. NOTHING and NO ONE comes before mama or papa at home. Commit yourself to your mate and your family. I don't care how good that outside stuff feels, taste or sounds. I have had so many of my brothers talk about how the other woman is so beautiful, so peaceful, so fine and nowhere near as argumentive or bitter compared to Mama at home. To this I say BULLSHIT! It's easy to be seen as great when you ain't living and sleeping with the fool. Tolerance is a gift when it's not needed every minute of every day. Of course your other friend has their own agenda too. Its human nature to want what you don't have. Married folks want to be single again and single folks want to be married. So the sister or brother that is feining for the safety and security of the married life will be patient and tolerant just to get what they think they want. So breaking up your family is not a problem if that means they can finally get a family of their own. Don't fall for the okie doke my friends. Home is home and it should never be contaminated with anything from outside of the home. Never lose site of this and when your tired ass is sixty and your reckless fooling around days when you were looking for perfection is over you'll love that PARTNER that stayed by your side.
The final key according to a successful and committed marriage or relationship is COMMUNICATION! Let me say that one more time - COMMUNICATION! Communicate fool! Stand up or lay down but please talk everything thru. Before, during and after you have said I DO! Everyone, and I do mean everyone I've talked to about creating and building a strong relationship that will last forever says that they were able to talk to their partner about EVERYTHING! Sex, money, drugs, raising kids, family members, their job and their drama queen or drama king friends. Yea, brothers be about drama sometimes too. NOTHING is off limits. If your wife ain't making herself available for you and your needs take her out to dinner and after a couple of glasses of wine discuss the issue. Discuss, not accuse or point fingers. First thing you learn in communication 101 is to assume some blame even if it doesn't belong to you. It's a lot easier to have your mate capitulate when she or he believes you are willing to assume some of the responsibility. Put the work in when it comes time to communicate. Have a plan of action for whatever the situation. Come prepared with solutions not just complaints. Make sure your solution involves both parties. LISTEN first and think before opening your mouth. Give your significant other a chance to state their case clearly before you try to put holes in it. COMMUNICATE! COMMUNICATE! COMMUNICATE! How many times do I have to say that? COMMUNICATE!!!

OK. I'm finished with this for the moment and as soon as I get crazy in love, unexplainable love, I too promise to Commit, Compromise and Communicate. Try the big three C's and let me know if it makes a difference. OOPS, I almost forgot one important fact. If BOTH parties aren't willing to work on all three of the big C's at the same time, you might as well just stay single 'cause anything less just won't do.

40 Years Young!

In less than three weeks on Thursday November 15, 2001 I will reach the glorious and unthinkable age of the big ‘4 0’. The most amazing aspect of me reaching 40 is the fact that I never planned on being this old. And believe me I had no logical reasoning for this ludicrous thinking.

I was raised in a family that consisted of many older men – my grandfather and father especially. My friends didn’t fit into the traditional television and newspaper media portrayal of black men and our society. Even though I knew I wasn’t one of the unfortunate ones, born without a great foundation, I still hadn’t developed a sense that I would ever reach the ripe old age of forty. Twenty-five was my magic number, old enough to know it all and young enough to enjoy every bit of it. Forty was for OLD people, close to retirement and unable to do too much of anything except telling me the right way to do everything. But before I knew it 25 became 30 and 30 became 35 and now I’m knocking on the door of forty. And Lord forty is definitely a trip.

My body, which I’ve taken for granted over all of these years, has now decided that I am going to have to work on it to keep it running. So I’ve tried to kick it in to another gear by working out religiously, but guess what? At 40 your body works at its on speed, not yours, and the battle is even greater. I can’t eat the food I love as much as I like because my candy and junk infested stomach from my youth, ain’t having it.

Accepting your own mortality, and the fact that its beyond your scope is another by-product of hitting forty. The concept of dying has never bothered me before the birth of my first child and it’s never been more magnified than at this moment, the 40 moment. I am going to die. I’m going to leave three kids with a foundation but will I be around long enough to finish pouring the concrete? My daddy who’s 64, told me that he plans on living for at least another 20 years just so that he can see his grandkids have kids. Now, he’s planning for 20 more and I can’t dream of four more - mid-life morality at its best.

I guess I’m going to sound a little hypocritical, but being 40 also has a great deal of positives. I love the maturity and the financial independence that being forty gives me. I love the way I look at forty, I love the way I feel and the compliments I get from keeping myself in pretty good shape. My Pop has always gotten stares from the opposite sex because he’s built like a retired middle linebacker - I’m blessed with his genetics. I love the fact that being forty has enlightened me with the maturity to raise three children in a solid and loving environment. I can’t imagine raising these kids at a younger age. I am living the American dream with the big house, fancy car, American Express Card and private school for the kids and a great job as a Project Manager. I never imagined this kind of a life as a kid growing up and I still get goose bumps when I take the time to enjoy the world I’ve been blessed and surprised to have. Surprised because my forty years are totally different from the forty years for a number of my childhood friends.

Jeffery W., who I grew up with me in the same mean streets of New Orleans, Louisiana, is a perfect example of how different this world can treat you in the same amount of time. Jeffery and I went to high school and college together but that’s where the comparisons stopped. Jeffery is as close to a brother as I will ever have but God decided to deal him a totally different hand. Now don’t take that the wrong way – I have always believed and preached that God brings you into this world with all the gifts necessary to be all that you can be, but he also gives you the choice of free will. Jeff’s free will directed him down a totally different path than me. Jeff’s somewhere in New Orleans strung out on crack cocaine and living the life we never believed could happen to either of us. The last time I saw Jeff, he was about a hundred pounds under weight, teeth missing and every minute of his short life, plus some he hadn’t lived yet, etched across his face. This could have been my life, my world, and my drama! But my forty, was my forty!

Maybe, with a little bit of planning, sixty won’t seem to be as difficult as I’ve made forty to be!

A few of things I’m truly feeling at forty:

The unconditional love of a strong black woman who supports me on each and every level.

My five-year old son’s recent desires to be just like me and the big hugs he loves to give me whenever I’m mad at him or his sisters.

My daughters who can wrap me around their fingers and give me reason to stay up at night and worry about the future of our world.

DMX’s new joint - especially track ten, Alicia Keyes, everything Anita Baker’s ever done and the Unwrapped CD.

My Dad, and the inner strength that he passed on to my siblings and I.

Memories from my childhood and teenage years concerning my Grandmother and the unconditional love and faith she bestowed upon me.

The brothers and sisters who I work with on an every day basis who supports me with their technical reasoning and their friendship, which makes it all worthwhile in the corporate American jungle.

Being able to pick up a tennis racket and step on a court at high noon, then play hard and smart for two to three hours.

If the next forty is as great as the first forty, I think I’ll take it all!