First Things First . . .

Before I get on my temporary biweekly soapbox let me try to explain the situation I currently face as a divorced father of two, and the path that got me here.

I have always wanted to be a daddy!

The need to nurture and protect was in me even as a child. I watched and tried to look after all the other kids, younger and older in the neighborhood. I handed out advice as if I were born with all the answers. My friends acted like I could solve any problem. I knew I was pretty good at helping problems because my suggestions always seemed logical. My biggest thrill as a teenager was when I got to listen to adults and have them ask me my opinion on their financial and personal lives. I seemed to always be closer to older people an old soul in a child’s body is the way some of my peers described me.

I know now that one of the major reasons I got married was because I wanted to have kids. I was twenty-seven at the time, and my biological clock was ticking a hole in my head – and, yes, men do have clocks. I loved my future wife but the thought of having little people running through the house and getting into things really bought a smile to my face.

I had this insatiable desire to create the next Reginald Lewis (the billion-dollar businessman who owned Beatrice not the basketball player) or Suzanne DePasse (who in my opinion has one of the smartest business minds out here today). I have always believed in genetics and thought that my gene pool was way above most others. Pretty arrogant of me, don’t you think?

I believed in a lie though when I got married. I was sure that a black couple comprised of two independent individuals who were both professionals, educated, and well paid, who also didn’t smoke, drink, or do drugs and believed that being partners was just as important as being lovers, would have no problem staying married for life.

I ended up being married ten years to a woman with whom I never learned to be friends and who was never my partner. During this time we were blessed with two beautiful kids, Cree and Logan. My princess is seven and little shorty is two. Having kids did not make our relationship any better, and in most scenarios it was the catalyst for a quicker demise. But I was happy. I loved changing diapers, sitting up all night when the kids were sick and cranky, feeding them baby food, and cleaning the messes they always made.

During the ten years of legal marriage, we spent at least four of those years separated and living under different roofs. When we were together, we argued about everything and anything. This cycle started the moment we arrived home from our honeymoon. We were able to create our two "brats" during peaceful lulls in our never-ending war of wills. But the battle of personalities never ended, even after the kids were born. We argued over who would change the diapers, pick up the kids from day care, who would do homework, or wash the clothes. Our voices never below the sound of a supersonic jet taking off.

This was a very stressful time for our daughter, and it showed. Cree was old enough to understand the loud arguments and would be terrified when her mother decided it was ok for her to physically strike out at me whenever she lost her temper. I’ll never forget going into my daughter’s nursery one night after spending half the evening fighting with my wife and being reminded of the damage we were doing to her. My daughter was asleep in her crib with her index fingers stuffed in both ears. I’ve never forgotten this sight and it has served as the major catalyst for me to move out and start over.

There are so many lessons learned from the life I have lived as a playa, father, hustler, husband, and divorcee. Many of the lessons I have endured, I paid a very high price for. My goal is to do anything I can to help my brothers and sisters avoid having to pay the same price that I’ve already paid for in full.

The main thing we all have to remember is that our kids are our responsibility. When you see a kid being arrested or begging on the street, ask yourself one simple question: Where are that child’s parents? Then ask yourself if you are doing everything that you can do to provide for any children you’ve bought into this world.

This column and all of my other writings are here to help you and me, become caring and responsible parents. The column is also here to show us that everyone in this life will walk the same path as you do – good and bad, sooner or later. The key to making it all worthwhile is to create responsible, creative, positive young adults to represent you and our people.